i went to town just now.
i didnt go to town with the intention to buy anything.
really. but the extra discount presented to me was too tempting to let go. thank you "mommy". :)

damn boring................... i need a life.

part of me cant wait for october.
the other part is kinda dreading october cos i know things will never meet my expections. sigh. :( AGHHHHHHHH. hate this feeling. fuck.

i feel emo.. like i need to cry. gosh.. i am so fucking bored of my life now. i need to start finding something meaningful to do. besides having late nights. and it really doesnt help that ive been putting on weight as though every meal i take makes me like 1kg heavier. i am getting so fat i cannot fit into my favourite pair of jeans.. (i am still praying for the day that i can fit into the pair of mooks jeans danny bought for me 3 years ago.) and when i saw my mom wearing my pair of 3/4s the other day, the one that i bought last year.. (my mom wear still very loose ok.) i went.. "mommy, why you wear my pants?" and she went.. "you also cannot wear already..." and also not forgetting last wednesday when i was at my sister's place.. she looked at my levis 501s.. and she went.. "now you got alot of clothes you cannot wear already right?"... and i went.. "yah..".. and she said.. "time for you to lose weight daph.."

come september, i will cut down on late nights. stop the alcohol. and..... and... try to pack my room cos its in a huge mess now. books (yes i do read ok.) everywhere and clothes everywhere cos every morning i try on like 3 different outfits before deciding what to wear.

its the selective email reply system. agh. i ask you something that you dont want to answer, you dont reply. you ask me something that i dont wanna talk about, i dont reply. greattt. well, i am sorry i am not a lesbian. (yet, as you would always add.) i am sorry for the empty promises that i made to mommy and jiejie regarding school. i am sorry that i screwed up. again. yes. again.

i dont really want to attend church nowadays, because when i listen to the lyrics of the songs at home.. i dont think i am of any worth to sing it if i really dont mean half the words in there. take for example.. "its you i live for everyday."... and alot more. theres so much more i can say. but agh, enough on this.

to the people around me.. thank you for being here for me and all. should you see me going down the wrong path, please do not hesitate to come clean with me. yes i know i can be a total bitch. and yah quite irritating when im drunk. (okay fine. say very if you want to) and yah i can be a tiny bit superficial at times. and sometimes i dont even remember your name. but please pardon me. for we are all human. (okay fine so its a stupid excuse.)

aiyah. i hate feeling depressed. and its not even fucking PMS lor. and i am so sure that i will not enjoy my taiwan trip already. cos my mom wants to make sure that i dont fucking buy DFS cigs.. and like everyone (almost) has been telling me how dangerous taiwan is. and i wanted to like go shopping alone lah if the rest are going sightseeing or sth cos the shopping district is just like a 5 mins walk away from my hotel.

9th oct will be a sunday.
i really really want to go to the airport to pick my brother up. but the thing is, is he even really coming back? agh.

hmmm. i think my last day of school in lasalle was around err april? and now its like the end of august. so its been about 4 months of bumming around. wow... great! how exciting. like oh my gosh the excitement...

enough. i am gonna attempt to cry now.

i am kidding. really. i am a-ok.